Questions Quenched

I was one of those "why" kids?  Why is there poverty?  Why do mean people seem to get ahead?  Why is there racism? Why?  Why?  WHY??????  In fact, one of my favorite songs was even entitled "Why?".  It was by folk singer Tracy Chapman.  Here are the lyrics:

Why do the babies starve

When there's enough food to feed the world

Why when there're so many of us

Are there people still alone

Why are the missiles called peace keepers

When they're aimed to kill

Why is a woman still not safe

When she's in her home

Love is hate

War is peace

No is yes

And we're all free

But somebody's gonna have to answer

The time is coming soon

Amidst all these questions and contradictions

There're some who seek the truth

As a teenager, I was one of those Truth Seekers.  And something amazing happened to me.  I came to have a relationship with the Truth.  The Truth told me that the world is a dark place.  And that mankind has rebelled against the Truth.  This is WHY there is so much injustice in the world.  The Truth also told me that He is The Way and The Life. And that this world is not as it was intended because of humanity's rejection of His Way.

So, now I don't ask "why" quite as much.  Ironically, I have been trying to figure out WHY I don't ask why.  I still have a passion for truth and justice.  I still care about reasons behind things.  But, I have this unshakable faith in a God who is bigger than the WHY.  Bigger than tragedy.  A God who is PRESENT Always.  A God who is PERSONAL.

Yesterday, I stumbled across a C.S. Lewis quote on Facebook that perfectly sums up WHY I don't ask WHY anymore.  It is from one of my favorite books, Til We Have Faces.  Here it is:

I know now, Lord, 

why you utter no answer. 

You are yourself the answer. 

Before your face questions die away. 

What other answer would suffice? 

These words perfectly summarize my feelings.  His PERSONAL PRESENCE.  Jesus.  He really is the answer. Knowing Him suffices.  If you don't know Him,  this answer sounds trite.  But if you know Him, you are sometimes just left dumb-founded and awe-inspired and comforted and amazed, and ultimately, question-less in His presence.

Yeah - before His face, I have no questions.  I have peace and joy and love indescribable.  Questions are quenched, because He, himself, is the answer.

Helping the Poor

With the exception of people who are hungry, what if what we call "poor" is just really living simply? When I went to Costa Rica a few years ago, I got to go to an island that few Americans go to. We were told that the people there would be poor. Having little material possessions. When I got there, I saw farmers and fishermen. No one was hungry, but few had electricity. But they didn't mind - this is how they had lived for a long time. I also saw people who laughed easily, extended hospitality and who were not materialistic. We had been instructed to bring toys and clothing to give away. But no one there was naked and the kids played with sticks, rocks, built forts in the woods and enjoyed games like tag. I actually felt like we were insulting them by assuming they needed the things we brought to be truly happy.

Someone recently told me, that with the exception of hunger, clean water and shelter, we should judge what we call "poverty" by the standard of "how does this person live compared to his immediate community?" instead of "how does he live compared to me back in America?". I am still processing how I feel about this, but after my Costa Rica trip, I wonder if this might be a better way to look at aid.

My mother grew up "poor" in what was once an "off the heated path" part of Hawaii, but she always says that she never knew she was poor because everyone in her part of Hawaii lived the same way. She has memories of fishing and climbing coconut trees and not wearing shoes to school or anywhere until she was about 12 and feeling like she had a great life, even though money was always tight. She lived the way everyone around her lived, so her poverty was her "normal". It wasn't until she went to the University of Hawaii in Honolulu and heard how people talked about her section of Hawaii and saw how others grew up that she found out that she had been considered "poor".

So, if someone has shelter, clean water, basic clothes and food, and lives in a rural environment where everyone lives simply, are they poor?

Is it Sinful to be afraid?

There are some Christians who treat all fear as sin.  The line of reasoning is that since the Bible says multiple times "Do not fear" then people are sinning anytime they feel fear.  This never made sense to me.  What if a car is about to hit me?  I shouldn't feel any fear? 

I had always read these passages more as God saying, "You do not need to be afraid, my child. Trust me.  I am here.  I can give you peace in the midst of a storm."  The passages, to me, were encouraging exhortations rather than blunt rebukes. A call to faith and trust in Him.  A reminder that we don't need to be afraid and anxious all the time.  We can trust God!

Following is a video by Ed Welch from CCEF in which he speaks about these passages.  I hope it encourages you.

http://vimeo.com/67671530

The Singing Servant God

"One of the most amazing truths that I ever discovered...was that God’s greatness is displayed not in His gathering slaves around him to work for him, to show that he has enough authority to get workers, but rather his greatness is shown in making Him — Himself — available to work for others."  John Piper

The very essence of the gospel is that God, in the person of Jesus Christ, has done ALL of the work for us.  He has lived for us, waited on us, died for us and conquered death for us!  What a different idea from how I thought God to be when I was a child.  I used to imagine him as just putting up with me.  Even now, I sometimes struggle with verses like Zephaniah 3:17 which says to those who trust Him:

The Lord your God is with you,

    the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

    but will rejoice over you with singing.

Wait a minute, God has not only done work for us, but, according to the above verse, also enjoys us?  And, if God works for us, why does the Bible talk about us working for and serving God?  Well, I believe that our "service" to Him is meant to be a delight not a drudgery.  It is not like we are trying to appease Him.  In fact, because of Jesus, God has been appeased!  

Imagine if someone did something amazing for you - like pay off a $100,000 debt.  In response to this lavish gift, you cook a meal for them, and write a thank you note and tell people how wonderful this person is.  It wouldn't feel like WORK to do these things, but, rather it would be your pleasure and joy to do these things for that person.  That is how it is with God.  Serving Him is meant to be a natural outflow and response to what He has done for us.  A delight, rather than a duty.

And the wild thing is that what God has done for us is so much more than paying off $100,000!  He has provided us with eternal joy, peace and salvation through His own pain and suffering!  And He has done it with delightful, sacrificial love!  And if I look back at that verse in Zephaniah, He actually rejoices over those who have received this gift of salvation.  He sings over us!  Not because we are so wonderful and deserve all of this, but because HE IS SO WONDERFUL and has a lavish love for us.

I am undone by this thought.  I am in awe.  The God of this Universe, whom I have sinned against in so many ways, is not just putting up with me.  Rather, in His love, He will no longer rebuke me, but DELIGHTS in me, rejoicing over me with singing.  Amazing.  Humbling.

Meditating on these thoughts brings forth grateful tears of joy.  How I love this Singing Servant God!

I have no more words.  

The Subway Samaritan

Last Saturday morning, I woke up and had some time with the Lord, praying and reading the Word.  Then,  I headed out to go to where I minister to South Asians.  I live in Manhattan and need to take a subway to Queens in order to do this.  As usual, I was running late.  

At the subway station, the subway was running late.  "Great, just what I needed!", I thought sarcastically.  While waiting for the train, I overheard a lady on her cell phone.  She was making a call to someone with whom she had an appointment to explain that she would be late.  I remember thinking that, even though she disliked being late, she sounded patient.  Patient Lady seemed like a nice person.

Well, the subway finally came and it was kind of full, but Patient Lady and I both got on.  She went one way on the train and I another.   There were only 2 available seats and they were next to each other.  Right next to one of these seats was a drunk man.  His empty whisky bottle was sticking out of his coat pocket, his hat and glasses were on the subway floor near his feet and he was completely passed out.

Thankful that I did not have to sit directly next to Passed Out Drunk Man, I sat one seat over.  After sitting I realized that he was swaying with the motion of the train.  People sitting across from the man were watching him sway towards me.  All I could think were things like: "I hope he doesn't fall onto me!" or "What if he vomits, or has lice or something?  I can't go do ministry if I am dirty."

Then it happened!  He fell onto me!  Even though we had one seat between us, his head fell right onto my shoulder!  I winced and gently pushed him back up.  He briefly woke up, looked around and passed out again.  Now, I was living in fear of him falling again.  Everyone was looking at me.  I imagined that some looked at me with pity and others with mild curiosity.  No one spoke.  They all just watched my little drama and I knew they all could tell what I was thinking because I had zero poker face.

At the next stop, one of the girls sitting across from me left the subway car, I immediately got up and grabbed her seat.  Then, something amazing happened.    Patient Lady came down to our side of the train and sat RIGHT NEXT to Passed Out Drunk Man!  She picked up his hat and glasses and gently spoke to him, "I believe these are yours.".  As he sleepily awoke, she handed him his things.  He took them from her and passed out again.  She then laid a hand on his shoulder - yes she voluntarily touched him - and she appeared to be praying!

During the remainder of my subway ride, he fell on her several times - as he had done with me, but  she would gently sit him upright and continue sitting there and pat his arm with her hand.  Patient Lady looked like she was in absolute peace.  Our eyes met briefly, and she looked at me with total peace and zero judgment.  This made me feel really bad - I felt like I deserved a judgmental stare for being so self-consumed, not a patient, peaceful look.

And THAT is when Jesus' story of the Good Samaritan came to mind.  You know the parable  where the beat up man is in the gutter and all of the religious people - the priest and rabbi - walk to the OTHER SIDE OF THE SUBWAY- I mean, the other side of the road?  And I suddenly realized that I was Religious Lady running off to "do ministry" who was too busy to be contaminated by a drunk man.  But Patient Lady - who I now call the "Subway Samaritan" - was also late for a meeting, but she took time to show love and care to Passed Out Drunk Man.  

I realized that I had just lived a parable but I was playing the role of the ugliest character!  I didn't want the Passed Out Drunk Man to touch me; Subway Samaritan willingly touched him.  I didn't want to sit  near him; Subway Samaritan willingly sat RIGHT NEXT to him.  I was too selfish to think about him; Subway Samaritan let go of herself to show kindness to him.  And Subway Samaritan did not look at me with judgment.  She treated me with the same patience she showed to Passed Out Drunk Man.

So, my prayer is that I would be someone who lives ministry instead of someone who does ministry.  I want to be someone who sees opportunities that God gives me to love and care for people.  I pray that I would especially take notice of these opportunities when they do not fit into my schedule or when they are unpleasant or risky.  

And I thank the Lord for showing me that I am often not like the Good Samaritan, but more like the busy religious people in that parable. And I also thank Him for looking at me gently, just like the Subway Samaritan did.  I thank Him for being just as patient with me as she was with both me and Passed Out Drunk Man.

I pray that the Lord would keep Transforming Tammy into the image of His Son!  Amen.

How God answered my Crazy Prayer

OK - so my husband and I are living as full-time Christian workers in New York City.  We will be working with immigrants, teaching English and teaching Bible Studies and sharing the love of Jesus in any other ways that will serve an immigrant population.  I wanted to take a moment to chronicle our journey.

Prior to 2012, my husband and I had been feeling a tugging, a gentle calling from God to work for Him full-time.  This tugging has been there on and off for many years.  In fact, from 1993-1996, my hubby went to seminary to prepare for this calling.  After seminary, we felt that the Lord wanted us to wait and not go into ministry full-time.  

So we waited, and waited, and waited.  

Around 2010, we started sensing that the wait was coming to an end, but what does that mean?  What did the next step look like?  How do you jump into full-time ministry?  What are we supposed to do?   work at an orphanage?  work for a Christian relief agency?  go overseas?  work stateside?  

So, we prayed, and prayed, and prayed.  

And this is what happened:

January 2012:  I called my friend Maya and asked her to pray with me that the year 2012 would be the "Year of the Breakthrough"!  What I meant by this, is that serious steps would be made to enter into full-time Christian ministry.  My husband was working a full-time gig as a graphic artist and he was the part-time Outreach/Evangelism Director at our church.  I asked her to pray with me that my husband would get laid off and that he would get a severance package that was comfortable enough for us to live for awhile without a paycheck.  

Crazy!  Right?  Well, let me explain:  We were living a nice upper-middle class life.  We don't know how that happened, we sort of woke up and there it was.  2 kids, 2 story house, 2 car garage, 4 bathrooms etc.  Those things can be hard to walk away from.  But what is even harder to walk away from is a secure job.  Especially when the news is constantly reminding you that the economy is bad.  So, I felt that the only way we would have the courage to walk away is if God FORCED us to walk away by taking away the paycheck so that we could seriously look at other options.  So, I asked Maya to join me in my crazy prayer.

January-July 2012:  Maya and I prayed that my hubby would be laid off.  We prayed for a severance package.  We prayed that if God wanted our family in full-time ministry that he would make it crystal clear by taking away secular employment.    

July 27, 2012:  MY HUSBAND GOT LAID OF!!!!  The exact same day, Frederick County schools calls me and offers me my choice of three Spanish teaching positions.  (I had not called them, I had not contacted them, they had my name on file from me teaching for them 3 years previously.)  This job was only 20 hours a week, but it included full medical benefits.  God was providing for all of our needs and we both sensed that the Lord was up to something.  And instead of panicking, my husband was at peace.  "I think God is up to something," he said.  It's not every day that a man gets laid off and his wife gets offered a job that she never even applied for in a job market that is abyssmal.

August 2012:  I say yes to the teaching position.  My husband gets a very generous severance package.  I find out that I have 2 weeks to get certified in Spanish if I want the medical benefits.  The only certification test available is geared at native speakers.  More crazy prayers.  The Lord helps me pass - miraculously!  I am now a certified teacher in the state of Maryland!

September 2012-December 2012:  I am teaching.  My husband is still running the Outreach program at the church - working 8 hours a week.  We begin seriously looking into all sorts of mission agencies and Christian organizations.  We find out that most mission agencies will NOT send you overseas if you have teenagers.  OK, so I guess we are supposed to stay in the States?  But we have a heart for cross-cultural ministry and for taking the gospel to people who have little chance of hearing about God's love.  Can we do that in the states?

Then Hurricane Sandy hits New York City and my husband organizes a trip to do relief work.  18 of us head to the Big Apple.  We stay at a Baptist Mission House.  In that short trip, my husband and I both walked away impressed with the work these people were doing in New York CIty. Not just hurricane relief, but church planting and outreach among peoples of all nations.  The Baptist Association in New York has churches that speak Spanish, Creole, Vietnamese, Filipino, Hindi, Ethiopian etc.

December 2012:  My husband is on the New York Baptist Association's website and finds out about an organization that is working with immigrants to New York who are from countries that don't readily let Christian missionaries in.

January 2013:  Our family goes to New York for a long weekend to check out the work that this group is doing.  My husband and I both love it!  We pray and feel like this is the group for us.

February 2013:  We get assessed to determine if we can be missionaries with this group.  This assessment included psychological testing, personality profiles etc.  It was intense.  And we were approved to be missionaries!

March 2013-May 2013:  We start raising support to move to New York for one year of training.  In only two months, the LORD provided enough funds for us to live in one of the most expensive places in the whole world for an entire year!  Absolutely amazing.

And so here I am, sitting in our teeny-tiny, incredibly expensive (but newly renovated) apartment in the Upper West Side.  3 blocks from Harlem.  5 blocks from Columbia University.  3 blocks from Central Park.    On one end of my street is a Dominican neighborhood.  The other end seems to consist of Jewish old timers and yuppies and college students from places like China and Saudi Arabia.  I buy fruit from a lady from Bangladesh.   I speak Spanish almost every time I leave my house.

I am living among  the nations, praying that my light will shine.  And I love it.  

And I am so thankful that God answers crazy prayers.

10 Reasons Kids Leave Church

I found this article interesting: http://marc5solas.com/2013/02/08/top-10-reasons-our-kids-leave-church/